by karimah bint dawoud


This is a new recipe and needs revising from time to time, should you have an ideas please email me, barak allah feek.

This is a particularly good recipes for revert sisters who are approached by brothers who nobody knows, even if they are known, certain things are worth checking out like their beliefs and attitudes towards family, money, anger, animals and women










  • take one brother who is interested in you for marriage
  • email each other or msn but DO NOT USE WEB CAM as its best to keep everything  written down for future reference, tex is also good.
  • get him to call your wail /father, brother, uncle, religious sheikh if you are revert to ask if he can meet you in a public place, ideally the restaurant  in a masjid, so he can buy you lunch and you can see his generosity and manners.
  • pray salat ul istikhara before you go to the meeting
  • this is where the seasoning begins, ask him about face to face the question you have already asked him on fone or on line –  what sheikh does he follow/study with? where does he work? how long has he been on the deen? etc, remember you have all the time in the world. If he has had a bit of a past then ask him what was his longest relationship or has he had a long relationship, ask him about his education. SOME OF THE MORE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS LET YOUR WALI ASK AT LATER MEETING
  •  here is a long list of questions
  • ask him to report back to your wali feedback on the meeting
  • You reported back to your wali your impression of the brother
  • if you both want to meet again, get him to arrange it with your wali
  • optional his parents or family members should come to this meeting
  • this is where the grilling begins
  • ask your wali to ask him for 3 character references and know that they will be checked out
  • ask your wali to ask him for proof of employment and where he lives
  • ask you wali to ask him for an up to date health check, which you must also provide
  • ask your wali to ask him for proof of citizenship
  • if the brother is genuine he should be fine under this pressure but if he is dodgy then  he should start feeling hot around the collar.
  • some brothers exploded under this pressure while others stay cool, this coolness however is not an accurate sign of acceptability, as we say the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so when the references are check out them you can proceed to another meeting
  • the prophet of Allah, salah la alaihi w salem  said” People are like camels, it hard in 100 to find one good enough to ride”
  • don’t be surprised if things don’t go to plan, do wudu and learn from the experience, see if there were any signs when making your selection of brother that could have indicated this one was a dud.
  • start over again inshallah, never give up hope, stay on your deen, stay on your prayers, do good deeds, give charity and inshallah you will find  the right brother in this life or the next ameen

11 Comments Add yours

  1. xeniagreekmuslimah says:

    Just brilliant:))) Jazaki’Allah Kheyran

  2. Asim Haroon says:

    good one… Mashallah… I would just like to add… in bullet # 4… meet him along with ur mehrum… a woman must not be alone with a non-mehrum…

    May Allah guide all the mis-guided men and women…

    JazakAllah khair

    1. According to Sheikh Salah al Tafour, Head of Fatwaa for Social Affairs at al Muntada Islamia in London, the shariah states that a man and women can speak in a public place or if its in private there must be a third person

      1. Asim Haroon says:

        Well sister… This is a fiqhi issue… which is debatable… different scholars have different views on it… I dont know Sheikh Salah Al tafour… but i am sure he must have a good evidence for his views…

        I am not a scholar… but i support the view that it is not permissible… reason being… it is opening doors to a sin… If it could be avoided than avoid it… If a sister can have her brother/father or any mehrum with her, it is much much appreciated… if she is a new convert and does not have any mehrum than it is an exception… but she have to be very careful…

        and i am sure Sheikh Salah al tafour would be of the view that it is permissible only in case of necessity… otherwise it is a green signal for daters…

        Surely Allah knows the best… JazakAllah khair…

  3. Abdul Mubarak-Rowe says:

    Of course you realise that this cuts both ways. That is to say brothers reserve the EXACT same rights to put sisters under the same level of intense scrutiny. Far to often I have witnessed too many brothers marry sisters under false pretenses as well. That hadith you stated, “People are like camels, it hard in 100 to find one good enough to ride”, has a universal appeal.

    1. Asim Haroon says:

      u r right but… it is easier to identify a woman regarding her behavior / character and attitude as compared to men…

      A woman, who wears hijaab in public places… (Proper hijaab, not skin fitting jeans, t-shirt and scarf)… her appearance speaks enough of her firmness in her faith… becoz this is the most difficult task for a woman to wear proper hijaab in 99% of the countries…

      whereas a man… i am a man and i know how much acting we can do… I can assure you that the guidelines mentioned above are still not good enough to spot the right man…

      Surely Allah knows the best… and May Allah Guide us all…


  4. A sister does not have to prove that she is working as it is not incumbent on her to provide for her husband or family,things are not exactly the same for men and women in Islam, man has one degree higher than woman, this degree in Arabic is calla daraj, one degree higher than woman, because man is the amir.The duties of this amir Allah explains in the Quran.
    It says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct (or arrogance), admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, Most Great (above you all)” (Al Quran, Surah Nisa 4:34).

  5. Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have more right to take them back in this [period] if they want reconciliation. And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. SURAT AL BAQARA 2:228

  6. Abdul Mubarak-Rowe says:

    “it is easier to identify a woman regarding her behavior / character and attitude as compared to men…A woman, who wears hijaab in public places… (Proper hijaab, not skin fitting jeans, t-shirt and scarf)… her appearance speaks enough of her firmness in her faith…”
    @Asim…If it was THAT easy to identify a sister’s character simply by her dress, there would be no problem. But you and I both know that simply a dress code is no where NEAR enough. Far FAR too many sisters I have witnessed whose dress code was appropiate but as SOON as they open their mouth and begin to evidence their character, a totally different creature comes out. As Allah says “Your BEST DRESS is the DRESS OF REGARDFULLNESS FOR ALLAH.”

    1. Asim Haroon says:

      as u have mentioned… may be they are adhering to the commands of Allah… as Allah says “then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”

      [al-Ahzaab 33:32 – interpretation of the meaning].

  7. It will be nice to write or say brother in Islam or brother in faith. Thanks.

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