Dear little sistar, a letter for you about.… VIRGINITY Is a precious thing, it is something if I had my life again, knowing what I know now I wouldn’t have given away so easily but I have an excuse; I was not a Muslim, I wasn’t told but I was told by my father do not commit adultery and that’s all he said and I thought adultery was just between married people, poor thing he was too embarrassed to tell me any more than that. Virginity is a commodity some men want, especially young men, they feeling that no man has been there before, especially for the mother of their children, it is a little bit sad that in some cases it is the only thing that some men look for in a woman and they do not look for deen or intelligence. Still if you have your virginity value it, it’s a precious commodity to be looked after. As a mature woman, a mother and grandmother maasha’allah I will tell you more than that. I will tell you the things I wish I was told and we will start with a proverb from the bible, because as a Muslim we are supposed to know of the torah, the zebour, the injeel and the Quran. In the book of matthew7;6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Virginity is a pearl, your pearl and its precious, the womb and Allah are connected Ar-Rahman , one of Allah’s most beautiful names is directly associated with the womb
In a HADITH QUDSI it is reported that the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said that Allah said:
أَنَا الرَّحْمنُ خَلَقْتُ الرَّحِمَ وَشَقَقْتُ لَهَا اسْمًا مِنِ اسْمِي، فَمَنْ وَصَلَهَا وَصَلْتُهُ وَمَنْ قَطَعَها قَطَعْتُهُ
‘I Am Ar-Rahman. I created the RAHAM (womb) and derived a name for it from My Name. Hence, whoever keeps it (family ties), I will keep ties to him, and whoever severs it, I will sever ties with him.’. The order of the first three root letters is the same ر raa ح hee م maa It would do all of well to think of this and the high status of womb-man in Allah’s Plan Now we are speaking of virginity in the sense of a young woman not having any sexual experience not those nasty girls who have anal sex to keep their hymen in place, nasty on so many levels nasty. As women if we only knew that our womb and Allah are so connected, we would not be in such a rush to open our legs, even within married to the dogs and pigs. There are people who behave like dogs and pigs everywhere, even in our ummah. Our womb was created to carry life ad that life should be nurtured by an intelligent holistic mother and father who both know that mind body and soul is vital to create a wonderful new human being. As sistars do we think will that men we are speaking with for marriage, does he fear Allah? Is he disciplined? Does he guard his prayers or keep you talking on the phone all night? What’s he like with his mum and his sisters? What are his sisters like? We have already made up our mind to marry him because we have fallen for his charm thinking that we are different to all the other women before we can fix him…vanity. We should think is this man good enough to take my virginity and if we study the life of the prophet Muhammad salah la alaihi wa salem more we would have the best example to measure by. However if we are not guarding our prayers, studying Quran and sunnah enough and patterning our heart with Islam by Allah grace ..Who can we blame when we marry a less than mediocre brother? We get what we deserve… and if we do not value ourselves enough we can only blame ourselves. Virginity is precious to think careful before you FALL and by fall I mean let your guard down a\and stumble around like a drunken fool, getting confused not knowing where to go. It is not befitting of virgin practicing Muslims to give their virginity away so easily and the wisdom of the wali has to be involved I would say from the beginning to keep the dogs and pigs away May Allah guide us and protect us, forgive me this is not a scholarly article but a letter to my little sistars The following are a list of questions to ask a prospective spouse taken from zawaj.com I know its a long list but take your tiem and get to know a brother or sister before you give away your precious pearl.
Why are you interested in marrying at this time?
How would you describe yourself?
What do you consider your greatest achievement to date?
Describe three experiences you’ve had that you’ve benefited/learned from.
What has been the hardest obstacle you’ve faced thus far in life? How has it affected you?
If there was one thing you would like to change about yourself, what would it be?
What are your goals for this life? What would you like to accomplish before you die?
What are you looking for in a spouse?
DECIDING WHETHER TO MARRY:
What role do you think parents should play in helping to select your spouse?
What process do you want to use to determine whether you have found the right spouse? Phone? E-mail? Chaperoned or unchaperoned in person? How much time do you want to decide?
DEEN (ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE):
What do you do to feel close to Allah (swt)?
How to you hope to get closer to Allah (swt) through marriage?
What do you want to improve about yourself Islamically?
How many times per day do you pray? What about while at work?
How much Qur’an have you memorized?
To what extent are you involved in the Islamic community?
Do you fast during Ramadan?
How do you determine how to distribute Zakat? How do you give in Sadaqa?
Have you been on Hajj or Umrah? When would you like to go?
Are you affiliated with a particular masjid or Islamic group?
How important do you think it is to only eat Halal meat?
How important do you think it is for women to wear hijab? What about men?
How do you like to celebrate religious holidays?
Do you go for jummah prayers?
LIVING AS A MUSLIM MINORITY:
Do you have non-Muslim friends?
What do you think Muslims should do on American holidays?
What do you think parents/extended family’s role should be in making important decisions: wedding planning, child rearing, vacations, where you will live?
What do you do if there is a conflict between your spouse and your family?
Are you comfortable living with extended family, particularly as they age? Are other accomodations possible?
How much time do you anticipate spending with your extended family, in person or by phone?
Would you describe the character of your family members?
What have you learned from observing your family that you do or do not want to incorporate into your marriage?
What career path do you plan on taking?
Will both husband and wife work outside the home?
Under what conditions would you be willing to move to further your or your spouse’s professional growth?
How much time do you spend at work?
How do you plan to balance time at work and time with the family?
What kind of business functions will you ask each other to host/attend?
Would you encourage/support the idea of me going back to school for advanced degrees?
How would we support ourselves if we both had to be in school?
How do you like to spend your free time?
How much time do you spend watching TV?
What interests would you like to share with your spouse?
How much time alone would you like to have?
How do you feel about separate vacations? Business trips? Conferences?
How much time do you want to spend with friends? By yourself? As a couple?
How would you feel about your spouse having friends of the opposite gender?
WHERE TO LIVE:
Where do you want to live? Why?
Will you want to live near your extended family?
Do you prefer city? Suburb? Countryside?
Do you want to live in the U.S. or abroad?
How important is it to live in a large Muslim community?
How many children do you want to have?
When do you think you’ll be ready to have children?
How will you distribute responsibility for child rearing? Diapering?
What do you think it is important to teach children?
What is your view on raising children? Do you spank?
To what extent would you be willing to utilize family members, friends, baby sitters or day are to watch your children?
How will you ensure your children have a good Islamic education?
What would you do if you could not have children?
Do you want your children to grow up bilingual? In what languages?
How many personal savings/checking accounts would you want?
Who should be responsible for paying bills?
What about prior assets?
How will you determine how much should be spent on the household? On personal items? On charity?
How much should either person be able to spend by themselves without consulting the other?
How much should be paid out in maher (dowry)? Up front versus deferred?
If we were on an uncomfortably tight budget, and your brother asked you for a generous loan for a third attempt at a start-up when the first two had failed, would you give it to him?
What would be your top five criteria for developing a financial plan?
Should the wife change her last name?
What last name should the children carry?
How do you feel about cleanliness, neatness and housework?
How do you feel about knickknacks and artwork?
Who is responsible for work around the house?
What are the household chores you are used to doing?
Have you ever lived alone? Have you ever had a roommate? Have you always lived with your parents?
How do you feel about pets?
What are your preferences in terms of food? Mostly from your own ethnic group, or a more diverse palate? Only home-made, or also convenience or from restaurants? Meat or vegetarian?
If we were both working and we both got home about the same time, would you expect the wife to always be the cook?
How do you feel about smoking?
What are your pet peeves?
How should disagreements be resolved?
How do you act when you get upset?
How would you go about making you spouse happy when s/he was feeling down?
What would you want your spouse to do if you disagreed about something?
What if the disagreement is over an interpretation of Islam?
Who would be your choice of arbiters, or how do you feel about arbitration?
How do you feel about marriage counseling?
What are your views?
What is your experience with families with a second wife?
Will infidelity automatically end the marriage?
What role does culture play in your life?
QUESTION ARE FROM THE FOLLOWING WEBSITE.