ALHMDULILAH…..I BECAME A MUSLIM BECAUSE……


Photography Faisal abd’Allah, model Donna David, styling and graphix KBD

by Karimah bint Dawoud, Muslim chaplain and well being writer.

karimahscuisina@live.co.uk

ALHMDULILAH I BECAME A MUSLIM BECAUSE I HAVE NOW LEARNT TO RESPECT MYSELF. Born and bred in Essex, Essex  girls have a reputation and it’s not a good one. we are not brought up with great self esteem and  have a low, standard of our own behavior when it comes to dating men, must be the combination of East End and country bumpkin all rolled into one.

I used to think I owed a man something if he took me out for dinner, I thought I thought I needed to give him something back. Now as a fully covered Muslim woman I go through phases of having so many dates, that its hard  for my non Muslim friends to think how can this covered up woman get so many men who want the pleasure of her company.

 There is difference of opinion in the Muslim community about whether we are allowed to date or not but I’m satisfied after asking Sheikh Salah at Al Munatada Islamia, that a man and women can meet in a public place. I don’t kiss them , hold hands or place footsy. My friend Charlotte tells me that I’m sooooo lovely, all I need do is turn up and they should be blessed to be in my company. I think it’s different for very young girls who do not have any experiences but I think its fine that they go out to restaurant s in groups and stay in the safely of their group and learn social skills.

But first learn as much as you can about the man before you meet him, where does he lives, who knows him that you may know, where does he work, things that you would be able to identify him, should anything happen, I would even take a foto of him as soon as you meet him and see how he reacts. Communicating by email or text is good ask him to send a foto, before you meet, even if you met a man outside you can still get him to communicate with you via text or email, just telling him you are too busy to speak on the phone and can get back to him ion your own time. NEVER SPEAK TO A MAN BEFORE MARRIAGE LATE ON THE PHONE.

If you can ask him to call your dad or brother or mail friend to ask his permission to meet you, and make sure you tell someone where you are going and when you will be back, get them to call on the date,

I saw 5 minutes of Sex in The City today in passing and they had arranged to call  each other during the date.

I drive there or get a cab  and make sure I make my own way home, “no I don’t need a lift home thank you!”

you choose the venue the restaurant and make sure it’s very public not some back street place.

I ask for whatever I want within reason without going over the top for  the sake of it, me go Dutch???? do half???? no way, if you want afford to take me to lunch then you definitely cannot afford to marry me.

make sure you say thank you along the way and tell the man that the foods is nice, the restaurant is nice etc. make sure you finished the date first, even make sure you tell him at the beginning of the date when you need to leave.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, Islamically until the man make the proposal and you accept there doesn’t have to be exclusivity, once the proposal has been made and the woman can make it and the man can accept then there must be exclusive……….but still no kissing and no touching etc, even if you really want to….DON’T!

Get him to meet your parents or family and make sure you meet his………. get him to buy you a ring at least…just ask! one thing I learnt from Arab women  is ask, as we say in English ” if you don’t ask then you don’t get!” all the best honeys may Allah protect us all  and bring you closer to HIM ameen.

12 Comments Add yours

  1. Nawaf says:

    Bismillah Arrahman Arrahim,
    A muslim woman should not just meet with anyone just like that. Theres nothing called dating in Islam. If a man is interested in a woman, he can talk to her politely in public, as her parents’ phone or address, manage to visit them and propose for her.
    Man and woman (outside) merriage relations are absolutely prohibited in Islam. Being in public is ok, but how can you be sure that you will not touch, kiss and then go somewhere?
    Islam fights the prerequisites of Zina’a “Adultry” which is meeting with a strange woman in the first place. Meeting this way leads to another things which are not acceptable in Islam.
    May Allah protect us from Zina’a and bad deeds
    Abu Ahmed

    1. as salam alaikum, sheikh salah al tafour is the head of fatawaa for social affairs at al muntada islamia masjid in fulham, he has told me that a man and woman are allowed to meet in public , if they are in a private room there should be a third person there.
      haddith ahmad and at tirmidi that umar ibn al kitab narated, “when a mna and women are aloen the third person is shatan”

      when a man and women are in public they are not alone, this is why it is permissible for a man and women to meet in a public space to speak about many things including marraige.
      Please provide Islamic daleel , not conjecture,for your comment, jazakumalkhayr

      1. Nawaf says:

        Dear Sister,
        A Muslim woman can work and intermingle with the society because she is part of this society, but her relation with men “except thom she cannot marry such as father, brothers and uncles”, must be carefully calculated. All other men are strangers to her and may not interact with he except when necessary on a very limited scale even in public. A Muslim woman must limit her contacts with stranger men: Allah said in the Quran:
        (يَا نِسَاءَ النَّبِيِّ لَسْتُنَّ كَأَحَدٍ مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ ۚ إِنِ اتَّقَيْتُنَّ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا ﴿٣٢﴾)
        “Meaning: O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech. (Al-Ahzab 32)”

        This Ayah also applies to all Muslim women not only to the prophet’s wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. So, there is nothing called friendship between women and strange men in Islam even if they work in the same place. They only speak to each other when necessary without laughing or joking … etc.
        But, if a man really liked a woman and wanted to marry her, yes he can talk to her in public politely, take information and contact her parents or custodians. He or she may not just meet secretly, even in public, and spend hours talking or laughing or eating together. This type of relation is a prerequisite to Zina’a “Adultery”, or what is called the message of Satan “a glance, then a smile, getting together and then….”.

        Still a man can meet a woman in here parent’s house for example under their supervision, talk and exchange information with the intention of getting married. If they feel they are proper to each other, he must propose to her and follow the Islamic procedures in this regard.
        NO FRIENDSHIP RELATIONS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN IN ISLAM.
        http://www.usc.edu/schools/college/crcc/private/cmje/issues/MUSLIM_WOMEN.pdf

      2. as salaam alaikum, i have stated that a man and women are allowed to meet in public, i have also stated that if they are in private then there must be a third person, what is you point for posting on my blog after these things have already been clarified many times, please brother, look at your intension and what are you trying to prove?

    2. where do you live?there is dating in islam, its called “courting”, as long as the wali of the sister is aware of her ware about with man and the man ideally has asked his permission to take her out they are doign nothing islamically wrong, this type of dowaa that thinks meeting between potential spouse should be in the shikehs office or the parents front room, serves ,mainly to satisfy the man and not the women, becasue onece she is married she will see the real him and most women are too embarrassed to get a divorce.

      I always speak about a brother to my family, wali, etc before i meet him and they’re aware of where i am and I call them from where Im to let then know how it is going.

      however if you met a potential spouse in public, you can see if he lowers his gaze in front of other women, his adab in every day situations, his chivalrously and in real life situation not the contrived situation of a front room or sheikhs office, where most people are on best behaviour, in real life things just happen that show the reaction of the man and the woman, brother to you go your way and i will go mind aware that Allah is all seeing and all knowing ameen

      zina is not meeting with a woman is public, that ridiculous, because of this ridiculous way of thinking you and people like you have, too many born Muslim young people go behind their parents backs to meet members of the opposite sex becasue they cannot confide in their parents about these things

      1. Nawaf says:

        It seems that I cannot convince you that this is only allowed to a man visiting her in her house. If every womand does this, then we are in trouble.

        May Allah lead you to his right path

        Salam

  2. Nawaf says:

    Dear Sister,
    There are so many reliable Islaimc sites that can be useful:
    http://www.tanzil.net
    http://www.islamtomorrow.com
    http://www.islam-guide.com

    just make sure that the site is established by Suuni Muslims with prominent names related to known scholars of Islam.

  3. wa alaikum sallam, you have provided no daleel for your opinion, a man should not visit a woman in her house, only if there is chaperone, however in a large city like london, it not wise to allow men to know where you live unless you are engaged, sheikh salah al tafour head of fatawaa for social affairs at al muntada islamia in london said its permissible for a man and women to meet in public, islam is nto arigid religion and wisdom must be applied according to various environment and socail sitiautions, ibn thaymiya , may allah have mercy on him, allowed the monguls to drink alcohol for certain tie after they converted, please brother you need to travel more and social more

    1. Nawaf says:

      Dear sister,
      I’m not A’alem. After I used opinions of A’alems and you are not convinced. Yes you can meet a man in public but not every where and everytime you want. I stop here, but I tell you how I’m happy you learned about and embrassed Islam which is the most important thing to me now. You are saved inshallah from her and hope your family are.
      Wish you the best and I will keep in touch inshallah to hear from u.
      Brother Nawaf
      working and living in Saudi Arabia

  4. Nawaf says:

    Sister Karimah,
    In my recent reply, I told you that I’ll will stop this conversation because I couldn’t convince you. Today I was perusing some websites and found this on mixing between men and women, which I consider as daleel to you. I will try to translate from Arabic to English.
    “Quote:
    Faqhees(Muslim Scholars) have exclusive texts prohibiting permanent mixing between men and women including verses from the Quran such as: Allah said “…If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet…” (32 Surat Al-Ahzab), and
    “And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance…” ( Surat Al-Ahzab 33), and
    “And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women…” ( Surat Al-Nur 31); and
    “And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.” (Surat 31 Al-Nur).
    And in Hadiths, Abu Huraira narrated in Sahih Bukhari, the Prophet (PBUH) said: “No women believing in Allah is allowed to travel for one day and one night without Mahram “A man who she cannot marry like fater, son..”.
    Abu Musa narrated: Prophet Mohammed said: “Any woman who perfumes herself and passes by men who smell her perfume is zaniah”
    Oqba Bin Amer narrated in Sahih Bukhari; Prophet Mohammed said: “Beware of entering on women” … etc.

    best wishers,

    Brother Nawaf

  5. Dwight says:

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  6. Hamdy Taha says:

    ALL PRAISE DUE TO ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY TO DIRECT YOUR HEART TO HIS ONESS.

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